Life's · Journey

Well it has been a long time since I wrote any kind of entry into here. As I began to read some of the old entries I began to think about how horrible my grammar was. My next thought was I must of been really messed up. I really don't know.

Life is ever changing. A lessons that I have finally truly learned is that you must roll with the punches. I am excited about the turns my life is taking though. I have finally discovered how good sobriety is. I am striving to become a better mother. Which I think anyone with children should always try to do. You can never settle you can always improve your parenting skills. My kids are doing great. Clea is already worried about which type of cell phone she wants next. Probably because she's lost her other one. She doesn't realize I know yet. I found it Monday and she has been coming in everyday from school looking for it. I've been waiting for her to say she's lost it. Zach is doing wonderful. He has been doing so great in school. His grades are excellent. He is getting so tall. Clea is already wearing my shoes and wearing most of the clothes that I've out grown in the past year.

There really isn't much going on in my life I have given up on men and no that doesn't mean I'm going with women now. My life now revolves around my kids. I think that is where it should have been revolving all this time. I think once you make the choice to become a parent you should center your life around them. No you do not become obsessive but for the most part that is what it should revolve around for me anyway. Yes you have the occassional night out but reserve that night for when kids are gone not when you decide you want one and have to call a sitter. Time moves so quickly with kids one minute you are looking at them and they are tiny babies and the next they are pre-teens.

To start this entry I guess I must begin with the latest incident in my constantly changing, never boring life. I recently got a new truck well it's already in the shop. Only my first wreck would be with a school bus with 30 kids on board. That's right I did it, I pulled out in front of a bus. Wait it gets better I've coached half these kids in one sport or another or substituted them over the years. Ms. Melba ,the bus driver, must of thought I was insane. The first thing I did was get on her bus to make sure all the kids were ok. Everyone was fine. It barely put a dent in the bus but it was freaky. Needless to say my driving skills have improved. For those of you who have had this misfortune of being in a car with me you know I drive way to fast and don't pay enough attention. This has finally changed though so you can feel a little safer.
I am going through a little mid-life crisis also I guess. I have cut all my hair off, it's now above my shoulders and the color is red, blond and brown all high lights. I've also changed my eye color to green. I've got a dentist appointment this month to get my teeth done. My house is under-going a complete remodel. I don't know what's going on. I guess I want a fresh start or maybe because it's getting close to my birthday again. I'm not doing well with aging.

Well it's a beautiful morning down here in good old Louisiana. The weather is nice not to hot not to cold. It's like most other places fall weather.
Life is so strange 6 months ago if someone would of told me I would still be in Louisiana and Paul and I would be back together. I would of cussed them. I find it interesting how before you can blink life can change so drasticly. There is now way to predict what life has in store. The trick to it is, I believe, is how you handle it. Well got to get to work. More to come later.

It's been a while since my last entry. Everything is going exceptionally well lately. I received a nice gift a few weeks ago. I got a new truck. It's the one I've always wanted it's a 2006 chevy silverado 4 door. I love it!!
The kids are doing great. They get report cards today. Clea's really excited about that because if her grades are right she'll get a later bed time. Zach is excited basketball season is about to begin.
Life is going well all the turmoil seems to be gone. I have to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop though. Life is good now.
I've begun a complete overhaul of my house I've completely redone the kids rooms and I've begun on mine. I am getting a new bed which should arrive tomorrow. I do need to paint it hopefully I can get that done this weekend. I was hoping to paint it before the bed arrive but I caught it on sale so I couldn't pass up the deal.
Paul and I are doing great. He is so different it's great. He's the man I first fell in love with again.

Christmas was excellent. The kids had a wonderful Christmas Clea stayed in her room most of the day arranging everything the way she wanted it, her room was completely remodeled for Christmas. Zachary played his xbox most of the day. He had all the neighborhood kids there wanting to play with him, he was in heaven. It was excellent!! I hadn't seen my kids this excited in a long time. They were up at 4:30 looking to see what "Santa" had brought. It was great. Kids are so much fun at Christmas!! I did spoil them a bit much this year but I have a feeling this year will be the last year they believe in Santa so I took full advantage of it and besides your only young once. They grow up so quickly.
I was pleasantly surprised with everything I got Paul finally gets me. For the first time in 15 years I got things I actually wanted not a bunch of extravagant gifts that really are useless but things that I wanted. Now don't get me wrong there were a few things that I got that were really nice and I appreciate them. I got another day at a spa which is something I hadn't gotten since we split up. It's a traditional gift of his and of course his usual fine jewelry but I got things you could tell the kids had picked out like a new set of sockets which I think is my favorite of all cause I'll get the most use out of. The best part was Christmas was full of love and I was surrounded by family and friends.
When we were married it was totally about what he wanted not what the kids and I wanted. It really made this Christmas special for it to be completely about the kids. Yes we enjoyed it also but it was totally about them.

This Thanksgiving was quite interesting. Paul and I did a traditional Thanksgiving alone. I rather enjoyed it much to my surprise. It was just me, him and our kids. We laughed like we hadn't laughed in years. We were more relaxed and at peace than we had been in years. The kids loved it because we were both there. There is just such a comfort with Paul that is indescribable. He knows me better than anyone else in this world and the changes I see in him I want so badly to give him another chance. I'm just so scared of the man he once was. I am scared he will one day become the man that went to prison again. The kids are so happy it's hard. He is willing to wait and we are taking one day at a time. We are going to try and be friends and wait and see.

Life here is good, strange but good. Paul is staying at the house living in Zach's room temporarily. Yes when I said strange I meant strange. We have agreed to disagree but he wanted to spend time with his kids and this seemed like a reasonable solution at the time. He has changed alot and it is all for the better but I still don't trust him. I let him stay for our children. They have been happier than I've seen them in a long time and Paul is actually being a good father. We hardly see each other so that helps alot. We pretty much meet in passing. A lot of people don't understand how I can allow him in the same house and at first I truly couldn't understand. This arrangement is working for both of us right now. So I guess as long as it works we can leave it as is.
Charlie and I have been out a few times. I don't know what is going to happen there we are just taking it slow. I am not ready for another relationship. I don't know we're just taking things one day at a time. Here's a little laugh for everyone. Charlie's daughter's birthday was today I had to work. Paul brought the kids to the birthday party. When he told me he was going to bring the kids all I could think about was ok the evil Paul is about to come back out. He knows Charlie and I have gone out a few times. Ironically everything went really well. I've spoken with both of them and they both say everything went well. Do wonders never cease.
I am working 7 days a week for the next month and I am truly exhausted. I worked 14 hours yesterday and it will probably be another 13 today. I need about 3 more of me and maybe I could get it all done. Life here is going really well right now though and I am truly glad Paul and I have finally found a way to put the past behind us and be friends.